Maito Gai's Nice Advice
by gallifrey calls now
Summary: Feeling rather youthful, Maito Gai decides that a new mission is in order. So now he's answering questions of random youthful people by giving them Kakashi-worthy hip responses. Kakashi must be SO proud of his eternal rival... R&R, please.
1. Chapter 1

**Maito Gai's Nice Advice!**

It was a sunny day in Konoha. Maito Gai, the Green Beast of said town, was currently working on his latest mission – answering random people's questions.

Deciding that simply waiting for people to find him was rather unyouthful, he posted up green signs in random places (Akatsuki Base, Sound, Sand, Hokage Tower, Kazekage Tower, Ichiraku Ramen, The Uchiha Compound, etc) to allow people to send letters, and he would answer.

Let the pandemonium begin…

**Note: This is just a little beginning. I'm already working on the first series of questions, but I need ideas. Anyone up to posting some questions in the review?**

**Thanks!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Maito Gai's Nice Advice!**

--

Dear Maito Gai,

I heard that you think highly of Hatake Kakashi. Is it true?

U-Eyed Man

Dear U-Eyed Man,

YOSH! Kakashi-san is so hip! Someday I shall achieve his level of coolness! Until then, he is my eternal rival!

Maito Gai

--

Gai,

Have you got any idea why all the dango is gone?

Anko

Anko-san,

Dango is a very un-hip food. It is most unyouthful.

Gai

--

Gai-sensei!

If I want to raise myself to your level, I swear on my youthfulness that I shall lap Konoha 1000 times! If I fail, I shall be to climb the Hokage Mountain 100 times, with only the aid of my arms!

Lee

Lee!

I am so proud of you, my youthful student! Keep working hard and you shall achieve Neji's hip-ness!

Gai

--

Sensei,

Why am I dragged into this?

Neji

Neji,

I am most displeased with your unyouthful attitude.

Gai

--

Maito Gai

Neytiri is pregnant with my children. I was sorta hoping you'd offer me some nice human, non-Avatar names for them.

Jake

(P.S. I don't know why, but I feel I should have asked Neytiri's mother instead…)

Jake,

YOSH! I feel so honored to be the one to name your children! I am sure the Flames of Youth will burn endlessly in them! They shall be named after my youthful students! Lee-san, Neji-san, and Tenten-san!

Gai

--

Dear Mudblood,

I have a goal in life. One that shall make me the strongest wizard on the planet! But to do so, I have another goal in life. To get rid of the nuisance that is Harry Potter, and then to kill Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore! I need your advice. How should I kill them?

Voldemort

Voldemort,

Tsk, tsk, tsk. It is indeed great to have an eternal rival, and I'm sure both Harry Potter and Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore must be honored to be yours. But it is neither youthful nor hip to wish to destroy them.

However, if you still want advice, I suggest you send it again to Orochimaru or Akatsuki. I am sure they will have the best answer for you.

Gai

--

Dear Maito Gai,

I did a mistake. Now my brother wants to kill me when he grows up. What should I do?

Red-Eye

Dear Uchiha Itachi (Oh, come off it, everyone knows it's you),

Are you feeling youthful and/or hip? If yes, then go to your brother and apologize. Immediately. I am sure Sasuke would rather come back to Konoha than remain in Orochimaru's unyouthful presence.

And, in case you will not apologize, I will send these two letters to him.

Maito Gai

--

Gai,

I'll kill you if you don't give me my dango back.

Anko

Anko,

As I wrote to you earlier, dango is a very unhealthy food.

--

Gai-sensei,

I saw you earlier in one of your training sessions with Bushy-Brows and I was wondering… why doesn't my green spandex suit work as good as yours? I mean, I tried everything! I even had a bowl cut and borrowed Sakura-chan's mascara to make my eyes look like yours!

Why isn't it working?

Naruto

Naruto-kun,

Oh my. This is grave. Very grave. Didn't Kakashi give you youthful training? Because if he didn't, then that might be the cause. I shall share a few stern words with him.

Gai

(P.S. Never stop training on your youthfulness! You wouldn't want your level of coolness to drop like Kakashi-san's did!)

--

Dear Weird Guy,

I am in love with Isabella "Bella" Swan. But I don't know what to do! I declared that bloodsucker immortal boyfriend of hers my eternal rival, but nothing will work to get her back! What should I do?

Oh, did I mention I'm also a werewolf?

Jacob Black

Dear Jacob Black,

Dogs are so hip! Kakashi's dogs are very nice and I'm sure if you become just like one of them, every female will drop at your feet! YOSH!

Gai

--

Gai,

I have no respect for you, so do not think otherwise.

My plans are to destroy my brother. (Cool breathy voice that fangirls love) But in order to do so, I need training.

As you well know, I have already joined Orochimaru's army; right now I need to get stronger.

My question is…(Cool breathy voice again) When shall I depart from Orochimaru's hideout?

Uchiha. Uchiha Sasuke

Sasuke-kun,

Didn't you read the letter I have sent you? Shame. Please read it, because it will show that your brother is actually very hip and youthful still.

Unlike Orochimaru-san, of course.

However you can leave the unyouthful snake three years from now, because that is when Akatsuki will come forward. (I am not sure if you know, but that is the organization your brother works in. Shit, where's the eraser???.... Shit.)

Please forget my unyouthful and uncool words from above – it is an S-Class Secret. Pay no heed to it, my youthful boy.

Gai

* * *

**I tried my best at this attempt – I need ideas. I'm hungry for ideas. IDEAS! Questions from any subject!!!! Twilight, Harry Potter, Sonic X, House, Pirates of the Caribbean, ANYTHING!**

**Review, please. Ahem….**


End file.
